3 approaches, 2 “dates”, 1 night

July 3rd, 2009:

Just back and sitting to write, what a loyal blogger I am 🙂

Early I text the girl that I got her number at uni today, tell her I am going out with some really cool friends. After a few texts I call her and talk to her a bit, we agree to meet there.
Roommate and a good friend tells me it’s not such a good idea for a first date, but what ever. It’s on already. On the way so chode hit on my roommate, I let him, she’s bit upset about it later.
We get there, sit with roommate, she is bit bitter but I know it will go away after a few drinks. Friend are coming, sitting down in a place the roommate don’t like and she’s off to another party. Few moments later my date, lets call her Ma, comes along, I introduce her as my new girl friend (try to build a love bubble) and when as I thought she goes: “girlfriend?! no I am not…” Instead of saying “hey honey.. lets not fight infront of other people and keep it for home” with a big smile.. I am busy with the roommate thing and the hole thing is not funny as it was meant to be 🙂

Lesson #1: Not to do the “girl friend” thing on the start, and not to do it when ur not 100% sure it will make her laugh. Only after getting to know her for a while, charmed her, made her laugh a lot and I think even tell her before: “Hey, lets go have fun with my friends telling them we got married/ur my new girl friend”, and only if she is fun and say “sure” then to do it.
Lesson #2: creating the love bubble with her alone before you show it to others!

We go sit upstairs, she is not even looking or talking to me, she talks to one of my friends, I am not even trying to take over the convo cuz I wanna see where this will go. I put a hand on her leg (try to make her feel comfortable and close to me) and I see she is not very comfortable with it. I wanna try and make a touch she’ll feel comfortable with so I put my arm on her stool, and make it touch her back just a bit. Then OMG she goes: “can I get some air space here please?! thanks you!” I back off, thinking to my self where did I go wrong. She make some story about trying to help one of my friends friends with some army thing and they exchange numbers. I gotta admit my friend was cool and all and didn’t look for it and it was obvious she was pushing for it.

Only after that she starts talking to me and we are having a great convo (that’s my thing – I can keep a convo very very well). We talk and talk and it’s all good. She ask about my 8 years relationship (yea yea, 8 years since I was 15) and why it end.
Me: It’s a very personal question to ask, u sure u wanna know?
She: Yes, but only if you wanna tell.
Me: No problem.
Me: bla bla this bla bla that bla, and the sex was getting worse…
She: *backing off* ok that was too personal and open, at least for me.
Me: *thinking: omg I just said the word sex and the girl freaked out, what’s going on with the over conservative girls in the town* Yea but I wanted to be open and honest with you.
She: Well it was too much.
We go down stairs. on the way I see a girl I used to have a phone flirt with (lets call her A) and say hey, big hug kiss and the rest, and invite her to join (thinking to my self that it would be interesting to do two dates at the same time!) she say she’ll hang out and join. I am going down, Ma start dancing, I am not into it, and go grab a drink, when I come back I see her talking to this guy, I join the convo and see that they know each other, at some point she looks at him and go: “lets dance”. That’s my Q, the girl is def not into me so I’ll just let her have fun 🙂 I tell her I am going to hang out up stairs and she is smiling saying “cool”. upstairs I see A again, flirt with her and her friend, grab her and say “lets go talk out side!” we do just that, flirt and talk, it’s going pretty well as far as I can see, there is a lot of touching going on between me and A and she seems to be cool with it.
Going back in, I tell them to come meet my friends, they do, then they go grab some drinks and never really come back… I see them near us, but they are not with us.
Lesson #3: I think there was just too much touching with her, and also I showed too much interest in the convo.

I say to my self “fuck it” and as soon as they back off some more I start approaching. I wanna try a new thing: try to see the dynamics or listen to a convo and just join in.
I hear a girl saying she is annoyed over some thing, then the other girls are kissing her on the cheek, every girl is kissing every girl on the cheek.
Me: Look at that, u see what a kiss can do, it shifted her bad mood right away!
Girl #1: Yea it did! 🙂
Girl #2: It cuz we do it well! 🙂
Me: so you are saying ur all great kissers? 🙂
Girl #2: yea, we are! 🙂
Me: I’ll keep that in mind for the rest of the eve 🙂
The girls just go at this point, all of them, none of them is really cute so I am not even trying to make them stay.
Lesson #4: Last sentence I said could have sound pushy or even sleazy. Should have just say some thing like “cool”. I was being too reactive threw out the night.

Another blond walks by with her friend, they are putting arms around each other.
Me: Wow, you two just look like best great friends.
Blond: Thanks! 🙂
They are a group of 4, one of them is a guy, I say hey to every body. I start talking to the blond one that I think is cute. In like 3 secs, she is off with her friend some where.
Lesson #5: Should have grab her and make stay with the “don’t go, we only just met, I’ll be sad” thing. It worked pretty well last night, don’t know why I didn’t do it again.

I hang out with my friends, back to the safe zone, then get a text from Ma that she is leaving. I go out side and call her.
It’s the weirdest talk ever, she tells me right away she is not interested. She is being really really nice and cute about it. we have a 50 min (!!) talk about it all in a very light nice chat where she is being very honest and nice. And this are the main things:
The “this is my girl friend” thing made her feel very uncomfortable and thinking “who the hell he think he is?”. The hand on leg thing made her feel I just want sex from her. She was talking to my friend on purpose to show that she is not interested. She hate the guy she invited to dance with her and wanted to blow both of us off actually. There was no “click” at the beginning with me and no attraction and that’s what she is looking for so it don’t matter what I say or do, I had no change (that’s what she is saying). She didn’t like it I invited her with my friends and that it wasn’t a one on one date (personally I am very happy that I did that cuz I didn’t want to be stuck with a girl that freaks out from the word “sex” for the whole night) and she say that even if I would have invite her on a one on one date it would still not work. She also state that I have an amazing personality and that she really enjoy very much talking to me and that I am very intelligent and funny. She also state that she is having hard time with guys and dating.
Lesson #6: Don’t get advices from girls about girls. No lesson.

I go back in, dance with my friends, see A again, go dance with her, spin her, doesn’t seem to work. She and her friend giggle a lot, she is not looking in my eyes at all, there is A LOT of touching going on, but I am not sure she is very comfortable with it and doesn’t seem to lead any where. I wonder if I should kiss her or not.
Lesson #7: push and pull!!! push and pull!!! all I did was push push push like a chode, didn’t give any of the pull.
There are lots of hints from my side, not much from hers. She say things like: “you look too thin” or “you dance like pulp fiction” and I am being a chode and instead of totally ignore it I react all the time. It’s obvious that there is no attraction going on, so I bail.
Lesson #8: Please… stop being reactive.

A girl calls me, the one that thought about doing a threesome with me once and it didn’t work out, lets call her Mi, she come to the club, I let her in with no trouble since I was smart to make friends with the host. We are dancing, she also makes remarks about it (gosh I can’t dance). We go out and sit and talk, then meet up with her friends.
On the way I see a very very hot girl, she is really cute. She looks at me and smile. I just go –
Me: “Heyyy!!” Like I know her already.
She: “Ohh hey!”
I walk up and shack her hand.
She: “I am so sorry, I don’t really remember you…”
Me: *smile* “That’s cuz we don’t really know each other”
She: *making a face* “So what kind of a joke is this?!” *turn around and walks away*
Mi: you didn’t even know that girl.
Me: nope, was just trying some thing out.
Mi: omg I was sure u knew her for years!
Lesson #9: Don’t ruin the bubble! I should have continue and say: “don’t we know each other from uni?! ur in my management class, I am sure” and just go with it so she will think I made an honest mistake. Instead she thought I am trying to make a fool of her and pull a stupid childish prank on her, got upset and left. It worked perfect with another girl yesterday night, I don’t know why I changed it, but it was a good lesson.

We sit and laugh with Mi’s friends in some pub. Then she drives me home on the way to her’s.
Not a great night, but had some fun and made some lessons from the many mistakes I did.


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